To Sum It All Up

How do you know when its over? Is it when you no longer laugh at the difficulties that you found so amusing in the beginning? Is it when you fancy going to bed at an early hour rather than hitting the town? Is it when twenty bucks suddenly seems an absurd price to pay for a hamburger? And when you know its over how do you go about breaking it off with one of the most glorious cities in the world? (oh geez this is a BLATANT rip off of Sex In The City...I heart NY...Get a life!!)

Ok so, in my quest to decide what do to with the rest of my life... (Not any better)

I just arrived back from Paris and though I never want to leave that place somehow, this year is worst than ever. I wander the wintery streets of New York thinking about what I am going to do next and trying to find solace in what I have accomplished while I was here in New York over the past four years. Here goes, the dreaded list.

I have accomplished a long list of failed attempts at relationships, some near, some far, all excellent (ok some horrific) memories. Let's revisit shall we?

THE NEW JERSEY BOY - Timing is everything isn't it? And this one, the timing was always off. We hit it off at a horseshow before I decided to move to New York and upon my arrival in the "Big Apple" he promised to show me around. Great kisser, fun all-around guy, liked outdoor activities. In my months of unemployment he kept me occupied with days at his Jersey Shore beach house surfing, trips upstate to see the leaves, an overnighter on Block Island. Boy did we have fun till he left for Utah for the winter. Then it was an on again off again disaster that resulted in him snooping through my room to read my journal to see if I was "sexual" to find out the answer of why I wasn't having sex with him.

FERRIS BUELER - What an adorable boy. Too bad he was too nice for me. The spitting image of Matthew Broderick and he had domestic skills to match. Understanding of my quest to conquer the world, supportive and patient - it was far too much for me to take.

THE FRENCH BAR OWNER - Who knew a midnight quest to find a location for a New Years Party with my friend Dave would find me making out with the owner in the basement of the bar? But what fun ensued; unabashedly French, suave and "bad," he was perfectly wrong for me. I enjoyed evenings of drinking and eating, discussing the world, travel and avoiding talking about politics at all costs. Cutting work for fake doctors appointments so that I could "nap" with him when he had time, midnight rendezvous and fantastic "dates", I couldn't get enough. And just when you want more, they want less.

THE BOY FROM SON CUBANO - On a daring evening out with my favorite Italian princess from queens, in a fit of superiority I left my number for the bartender. And yes, he called right away. Months of not sleeping the whole night through left me tired and wanting a boy to hang out with during normal hours, too bad I had to find a new favorite restaurant too.

THE CEO - Suave, rich and handsome but tres cliche. He fancied himself "Mr. Big" so much that he called immediately after the finale of SITC and told me that he had the same name as "Mr. Big." Car service, fancy dinners, long chats on the phone are things I enjoyed but along with that came his excessive drinking, his penchant for "toys" (which I discovered while snooping the ONE time I stayed over) and his 3 children that he forgot to tell me about for 6 months (found also on same "sleep over" night). Unfortunately he never stayed sober long enough to warrant any nookie, I finally had to break up with him over email.

THE MIAMI BOY TOY - Ahhhh, my no muss no fuss perfect relationship. So nice to have someone you can "depend on."

THE ACTOR MAN - You know it can never be a good thing when you relationship starts with "I'm very busy" but to this day, I will never forget the time he did have for me. AND I have one notch on my belt that gives me some celebrity status!

THE DETECTIVE - Who knew that getting mugged could turn out so well? And it never hurts to have the law on your side right? Always dependable in a pinch, changes a mean lightbulb and gives new meaning to "lights and sirens." Too bad he occasionally forgets to take his WEDDING RING off when he comes to see me. Only one of "New York's" finest!

THE FRENCH WAITER - I know, I know I have a problem with the French. I think I was born in the wrong country. Well apparently so was this guy, he wanted a green card.

THE RECORD LABEL EXEC - His business cards are what make him cool, entry to any venue in the city, too bad he never wanted to take me with. And somehow all that music rendered his hearing useless to my explanations that I wasn't interested in sleeping with him. The only thing I enjoy is the morning laugh when I receive the monthly attempt at a booty call.

THE VEGAS BOY - I find it ironic that the one to take me off the market would live in "sin city," he charmed me from the moment I met him. I became a girlfriend, worked day and night so that I could go and see him a few weekends a month. Passed on dates with others, waited dutifully for his phone calls and loved every minute of our hour long conversations. We balanced each other out: encouraging, loving, supporting, or did we? I was in love but couldn't make it work.

MY BROTHERS FRIEND - I'm officially the "older woman." But its fun, I have no desire to grow up and he makes me feel young and silly. From Jaeger shots, to kitchen parties and cheap beers this does the trick when you are wallowing in self pity cause you just turned 30. And boy does he know how to kiss.

If you can make it here you can make it anywhere. Isn't that what they say? Did I make it? How do you know if you made it? And where do you go after you do? Where is life going to take me next?