The Safety Date

safety (sAf-t)
n 1: the state of being certain that adverse effects will not be caused by some agent under defined conditions; "insure the safety of the children"; "the reciprocal of safety is risk" [ant: danger] 2: a safe place; "He ran to safety" [syn: refuge] 3: a device designed to prevent injury [syn: guard, safety device] 4: (baseball) the successful act of striking a baseball in such a way that the batter reaches base safely [syn: base hit, bingle] 5: contraceptive device consisting of a thin rubber or latex sheath worn over the penis during intercourse [syn: condom, rubber, safe, prophylactic] 6: a score in American football; a player is tackled behind his own goal line

So a little something that I have discovered in my long detailed study of dating is a thing called "the safety date." This is usually reserved for those dates where you sort of remember the boy at the bar that you gave your number to and aren't sure if you thought he was cute or not and also the dreaded blind date. The safety date usually is centered around a short activity that can have closure at the end and/or an easy escape such as "the early cocktail date" or the "Sunday brunch." These activities can on the other hand be extended if things are going well, for instance, one drink can turn into two which can turn into grabbing a small bit to eat which can turn into stopping by your apartment, well, you get the picture.

The Set Up
So as you can see, there is a trend here, everyone that I know thinks that I should be with someone. So a few months back a girlfriend of mine "H" decided that I should meet her friend because he was from San Francisco as well. We were going to do a casual meeting at a New Year's Party that we were both attending but I got too drunk and ended up karyokying late into the night. So finally "H" decided to streamline the process by directing her friend to check me out on my friendster profile. That way if he liked what he saw he could friendster me and she would be out of the loop. After the initial friendster introduction and a few emails back and forth, I felt like the boy might be witty and I should at least meet him in person. He was after all a Cali boy so that won him a few extra points. Now don't get me wrong, I am not closed minded toward boys that come from other states but I do find repeatedly that boys from California tend to be a little bit more open minded about independent women. They likely grew up with a liberal mother who taught them at a young age to appreciate women with drive and ambition and they are therefore more accepting of my tendency to be overly busy and wanting to conquer the world. Which leads me to thsafetyafty date.

After a week or so of playing phone tag with this boy I was about ready to throw in the hat but apparently he had been traveling and busy as well so I decided to give it one more chance. He called me on my work line on a Friday at work. I was somewhat caught off guard by this office phone call since I hadn't personally given him my office number but hadunwillingailing him from my office email so he got it off of there. I guess, indirectly I gave him my work number. I let that one slide. After asking me if this was an ok time to talk, which I gave him a few extra kudos points for he then launched into a full blown social conversation, given that I reside in cube land at work and I had about 8 curious ears peaking towards my conversation I was a little bit uncomfortable. I managed to keep things light and not too personal focused on the phone due to my lack of privacy, and then a fun game I like to play when I meet people that I don't really know and don't yet have a vested interest in is to be as wacky as possible. I do have a very wacky side and I like to test out in the beginning if they will withstand it or not. I think it is a quick and easy way to get to know someone, by testing their tolerance levels. When this young man asked me to meet, I asked him when, and he responded how about drinks tonight? I was taken aback, how could he dare to ask me out on a night time first date with no notice. I usually am not a stickler for "the rules" of dating but for some reason I felt that this was presumptuous that he asked me out on a Friday night like I might not have anything else to do. I told him that I was previously engaged (total lie). He said that he had friends in town sat night so I suggested Sunday and he responded with brunch? I told him that I would meet him for pancakes at 5 pm. Pancakes at 5 pm he asked? Why? I told him that's just how I do it. And I chose 5 because I think that is the latest you can get breakfast in New York. So it was set. He offered to call and confirm early in the day on Sunday but I said we should just do the old fashioned way and met on Sunday, no intermediary confirmation call.

Pancakes at 5

So I did receive an intermediary call, he was running 10 minutes late. I met him in front of 7a at 510 and we proceeded inside. We had to rush to order breakfast because they were closing the breakfast menu. I opted for chicken and mashed potatoes, after all of the hullabaloo; I wasn't in the mood for pancakes. He was a little disappointed that I didn't want breakfast and went for the breakfast burrito. First off he declared that he might walk out if they didn't serve him breakfast. I hate that. Then he was disappointed in the fact that I wasn't really in the circus and just used to do gymnastics on horses. We had a few drinks; the conversation was ok so we decided to extend the date to another location. We went to 7B and have a drink. During the second drink we were joking and telling stories, it seemed to be going well. I excused myself to use the ladies room and while I was in there I checked my messages. Nothing exciting, a few girls going out later that I could or could not join if I wanted to. I returned to the table and the conversation took a dive. I tried to start back up but he wasn't really that talkative. Then he told me that he didn't want to be rude but he had to check his messages. Weird, if you don't want to be rude then go to the bathroom and check them, or don't check them at all! He checked, according to him it was just his mom. He then asked me if I wanted another drink but I wasn't feeling it so we decided to leave. We then got to that awkward moment at my front door, he gave me a strained hug and then we just stared at each other. He said "well I had a nice time, we will be in touch" I said sure, though I was positive that was the last I would hear from him. Then he turned to walk off and said "take care!"

WHAT?? TAKE CARE?? Who says that? That is worse than saying thanks for calling when you call someone. I can't believe it. I was funny and engaging during the date. What was he thinking? He wasn't even that cute!

In the subsequent days, I sent him an email saying that I had a nice time, thanks for the date. It was the least I could do since we had a mutual friend and could end up at the same function sometime. Better to keep it friendly. I received an email saying that he was out of town and that he would be in touch when he got back but I never heard from him again. And im fine with that. See you are still at risk even if you are on a safety date.

ADDENDUM: So I just have to add that nearly a year later I ran into this dude on the subway. Apparently I moved into his neighborhood. So out of fear of looking like an idiot if I didn't say hi and he saw me, I did the polite thing and said hello. Well, it couldn't have been more awkward. For one LONG subway stop we were forced to have polite conversation where he even informed me that he worked up on 57th street. At the very next stop he got off to change trains at a stop where you couldn't change trains!! Who knew that I was such a bad date that a year later I could scare someone off a train.