Think About It, You Just Aren't That Into Him Either

I was browsing in Urban Outfitters the other day on my way home from work and I came across an interesting book. It was called, "Face it, you are just not that into him either." Finally, a rebuttal to the worlds worst writteb book ever! I have heard more than enough about the genius book based off the Sex in the City episode where Miranda discovers the answer to why men aren't calling her. They just aren't that into you. I completely disagree with this book; relationships just aren't that black and white. There are always underlying issues.

Take for example this punk rock boy that was always very friendly to me. We met and hit it off. I invited him out for drinks and we had a great time, I tried to continue the date but he had to catch the bus home to New Jersey. I figured that he wasn't interested and planned to move on. After that he continued to instant message me all the time, however, when I would invite him out for activities he would decline. I finally chalked it up to him being not that interested in me and really moved on. Finally after a year, he admitted to me that he had a girlfriend. Out of curiosity I asked him how long they had been together and he said a year. He then said that he had just started to date her when we were hanging out and he wasn't really sure where things were going so he didn't want to start something with me. See! He was into me but he was a nice guy and didn't want to date two girls at one time.

I think that timing is nearly the number one factor in dating. Even if you have the strongest attraction for someone, if it isn't the right time it's never going to work. This leads me to my greatest find. I found a book called "Face it, you're just not that into him either, seriously it's so true, especially in New York. I'm not telling you that it requires a book to make things work but with all of the bullshit we are faced today it's easy to forget that you do deserve a guy that you are happy with. Not Mr. Right Now, or Mr. I'm trying to forget about that asshole, or Mr. I'm proving a point that I can do what I want when I want. But Mr. Right. Mr. I'm supportive of your career and Mr. I think you are sexy even when you are randomly crying.

Take the Giant for example. I went on a mini break with him last weekend. When people asked me how it was when I got back, I replied it was nice, or we had a good time. There were NO fireworks the whole weekend. First of all the night before we left, he called me drunk, concerned that I was taking him for a fool and wasn't even going to show up at all! That already put me on the edge. Then he was pretty anti-social when I introduced him to some people that I knew. And lastly, I still wouldn't sleep with him. He was fabulous for going out to dinner with, or snuggling up in bed or lying by the pool. Yes, those were the things he was good at. But he never really asked me any questions about my past or my family or my career; I asked him lots of questions. Since we have been back he has been surprisingly distant and suddenly I REALLY like him! After skimming the book, it came to my attention that I fall into the "I'm really not into him either but I need for him to like me" chapter. This, the author explains is a sign of an over dater. I date so many boys because I have a need for attention. ME?? Never, kidding, I'm totally aware that I am an attention whore. People sometimes accuse me of looking for a boyfriend and I always get offended because I am never looking; I am just open to social interaction because I love attention. I like meeting new people, the author pointed out that attention cravers never really open themselves up to the possibility of a relationship because by this constant flirtation you don't ever really get to know anyone. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think you need this book either to survive but it does tell you some things that we all know but sometimes forget to remember.

So although the book didn't really solve my problem of the Giant, I still feel sad that he doesn't seem to like me, but I will have to be ok with it, I will stop playing the chase it down game and move on.

Ridiculously Obvious Observations from 32,000 ft.

I am 32,000 feet above the earth right now, surrounded by about one thousand screaming kids and have no where to go. Seriously, this is just another reason to never, ever go to Orlando. I absolutely adore my little brother who lives there and want to show him some love by going to check out his graduation but does EVERY New Yorker need to take their 8 children to Orlando to see Disney world THIS weekend? I am listening to Ashlee Simpson scream LA LA on volume level nine, right in my ears, just to drown them out. Lucky me, I seemed to have brought only my workout CD with me on this trip, which explains why I am listening to the extremely non talented Ashley. I believe that a work out is absolutely positively the only acceptable time to listen to either Brittany, Ashley or Lindsey Lohan. And I guess that its pretty clear right now why it would be good at this moment to own an iPod. There is obviously no need to point out at this time that though I live in the information age, I have yet to convert to the iPod trend. There is just something that I don't like about them, I think its cause EVERYONE has them, or maybe I am just a slow adopter. But, I digress, let's get back to the observations from above.

It is weird to notice how synergistic the world is becoming. For instance I have always been an American Airlines girl, and I do enjoy my share of CBS Eye on America, but it has only recently come to my attention that American is a preferred airline of the company Viacom who is the owner of CBS. Interesting, it really makes me look closer at other things going on out there; sometimes I wonder if I really want to know all of this? Only recently I have begun to have serious sleeping issues. Now this is a very big problem for me, I have never done a single drug in my whole life, so, sleeping pills aren't really a viable option for me. In fact, I am hyper sensitive to drugs; I found that out in high school when I was high in Mr. Twaddle's math class after taking an antibiotic for a cat bite. I called my mom in a panic and she in turn called the doctor only to find out that it happens to one in 400 people. At that time, I decided that if prescription drugs make me high, I better stay away from the illegal ones cause who knows what they would do to me. So, now that my head is filled with this completely unnecessary information about corporate synergies and I can't sleep! What is a girl to do? So I take Tylenol PM from time to time, but I notice that first of all it takes a really long time to wear off and so the next day at work I can barely function, and second, it turns me into a psycho bitch! I am grumpy and foul mouthed and really can't deal with anyone. So now I have to stop taking that too, maybe I will just stop reading and remain happily uninformed. I want my rose colored glasses back!

Ok so I guess this blog entry is kind of boring so maybe I should recap my birthday. Very interesting developments.

BIRTHDAY RECAP

First let me give a big shout out to all my fabulous friends who sent me birthday wishes and those who helped me celebrate by consuming more alcohol than one person should be allowed to consume. Maybe that is why I have been in such a black mood this week, post birthday depression.

So, my day, or should I say my week, was fabulous, I will try to figure out how to post a photo here and show you how much it kicked ass.

Bummer, no luck on the photo.

So, the French boy promised that he would come out for at least an hour to my party and as of 12:30 Uncle Mings was packed. I was suddenly afraid that if he showed up he might not be able to find me! So the logical me, after 4 captain and cokes and one shot of southern comfort, decided to text him to ask if he was coming or not. I figured that at the worst he would reply that he wasn't coming but then I would know, no more wondering for the rest of the night. Boys never cease to amaze me, and they call us confusing? Just as soon as you think you have a boy pegged for his habits he changes his tactics. No text back from the French boy, not at 1a, not at 2a and not at 3a when I left Uncle Ming's with my friend JA to hit another hot spot with his friend.

Well, I was in for a surprise, down on some sketchy street by Canal we popped into a fairly decent bar, the bouncer held me at the door for a second too long, for reasons that I can not remember and upon handing my ID back I raced to the restroom. After a moment of contemplation on the two doors, one marked clearly MEN and the other marked RESTROOM, I chose door number two "RESTROOM". I pulled the door open easily and much to my great surprise there was JA peeing!!! Eeeeeeewwww, that is like walking in on your brother! You don't want to see that, gross! And even worse I had to pee like a race horse (BTW-I hate this term but felt the need to use it right now) so I had no choice but to do the awkward squat and tilt into the urinal. There I was in my lovely sparkly blue birthday shoes in one of the grossest urinals in all of Manhattan doing the squat and tilt. And, to make matters worse when I walked out of the bathroom, my heel got stuck in the floor and then I saw that JA and friends already had drinks and forgot to get one for me. I marched my fabulous birthday self up to the counter to get a drink.

Suddenly, I felt as if I was Alice in Wonderland and had eaten the wrong side of the mushroom, the bar was as high as my head, I could barely see over it and the bar stools required that I climb up a mini ladder to get on top. After accomplishing quite a balancing act I was happily surprised to find a handsome Irish boy at the top of my climb. The Giant, I aptly named him since he was about 6' 5" and was sitting at the extra large bar, apparently lived in Milwaukee, (excuse me? who lives in Milwaukee), was cute, seemed to find me interesting and the French boy still hadn't texted me back, so, I decided that he should entertain me. He was surprisingly not interested in staring at my boobs all night like everyone else (which by the way didn't offend me at all, I mean if you wear a booby outfit isn't that what you are asking people to do?). What? you must be asking yourself? He wasn't looking at your boobs?? something must be wrong with him? Well, he did explain in a very drunken manner that he was making an effort to not check them out cause he didn't want to be THAT guy. Very respectable catholic dude I might add. So, after smooching on me, I immediately informed him that I would not be having sex with him this evening. He looked at me like I was an alien and asked why I would say a thing like that. I just said I wanted him to know so that there was no misunderstanding. At this happy moment I checked my phone one last time, still no text from the French boy. So, I figured, out of sight out of mind. Really I was punishing him - it's my favorite thing to do, punish people when they don't even know and never find out, but in my head I'm winning and that's all that matters. Oh the games we play.

So, long story short, The Giant was staying around the corner from my house so we shared a cab home, then, I remember buying pizza with him, I remember climbing the stairs with my shoes off and that's about it. I woke up in the morning with a moment of horror to notice The Giant sleeping next to me. I had another moment of horror as I tried to remember how he got there! Think, think, think...oh yes, the giant, from the second bar, is staying on the next block from me and no we didn't have sex. PHEW. Next where is my purse? I see my phone and my keys but no purse and no camera!!

Hey Giant, where is my purse? Hey where did I put my purse? He replied, "I don't know, stop asking me!" Wow this guy is really a charmer. GREAT! I really know how to punish people, I'm punishing me. Finally, I find my purse carefully tucked on a shelf in my kitchen, I can only imagine... hmmm let me put this here so that I don't lose it. I should be banned from drinking EVER. So I climb back into bed with the Giant and ask him sweetly if he has any idea what my name is. "Ummmmmm," he thinks, "NO." I AM MORTIFIED. I am THAT girl! I inform him of my name and he tells me he couldn't remember it cause I have a weird name. I mean what is he talking about What?? Isn't a weird name. DUH.

I lye there awkwardly staring at the ceiling. I check my phone again to see who I drunk dialed and still no text from the French boy so I decide to delete him. I am deleting him out of my life. I am not allowed to call him anymore. I also delete every adorable text message in my phone from him. I should have known better, his first text to me was "I like you sometimes" what does that mean? When it's convenient for you? Boy if the Giant knew what was going on in my head that would be bad. Wait, the Giant doesn't even know what my name is, he probably is married with 5 kids in Milwaukee. Anyway, we proceed to make out and it isn't that bad, he is very polite and wants to snuggle.

At noon, I have to get up and go to a brunch so I go about my day as if he is not there. I also proceed to say whatever pops into my head. Things like, why the fuck do you live in Milwaukee? Do you think I look like a stork when I stand on one leg? And the best, in reply to the Giant telling me that he doesn't have my number. "Well, you never asked" I say sarcastically.

He asks, "well can I have it?"

"No, was just using you," I say. He looked shocked. Wait, maybe he doesn't have 5 kids in Milwaukee. Ok fine, I will give you my number.

"Can I see you later?" he asks.

"maybe, we will see," I dryly reply. I finish getting ready and realize that I am being a super bitch. I offer him whatever is in my fridge which I tell him I am 90% certain there is only water and beer. He rolls out of the kitchen with a Corona, hmmmm, maybe he is my kind of guy. Maybe he isn't half bad. At least he wants to spend more time with me, better than the French boy.

Upon hailing me a cab for my brunch the Giant says he will see me later and I tell him that he can be my pretend boyfriend until he has to go back to Milwaukee. He smiles, the cab speeds off and I look happily at the sunshiny outside world. Who says we can't all have mini happy endings?

The Safety Date

safety (sAf-t)
n 1: the state of being certain that adverse effects will not be caused by some agent under defined conditions; "insure the safety of the children"; "the reciprocal of safety is risk" [ant: danger] 2: a safe place; "He ran to safety" [syn: refuge] 3: a device designed to prevent injury [syn: guard, safety device] 4: (baseball) the successful act of striking a baseball in such a way that the batter reaches base safely [syn: base hit, bingle] 5: contraceptive device consisting of a thin rubber or latex sheath worn over the penis during intercourse [syn: condom, rubber, safe, prophylactic] 6: a score in American football; a player is tackled behind his own goal line

So a little something that I have discovered in my long detailed study of dating is a thing called "the safety date." This is usually reserved for those dates where you sort of remember the boy at the bar that you gave your number to and aren't sure if you thought he was cute or not and also the dreaded blind date. The safety date usually is centered around a short activity that can have closure at the end and/or an easy escape such as "the early cocktail date" or the "Sunday brunch." These activities can on the other hand be extended if things are going well, for instance, one drink can turn into two which can turn into grabbing a small bit to eat which can turn into stopping by your apartment, well, you get the picture.

The Set Up
So as you can see, there is a trend here, everyone that I know thinks that I should be with someone. So a few months back a girlfriend of mine "H" decided that I should meet her friend because he was from San Francisco as well. We were going to do a casual meeting at a New Year's Party that we were both attending but I got too drunk and ended up karyokying late into the night. So finally "H" decided to streamline the process by directing her friend to check me out on my friendster profile. That way if he liked what he saw he could friendster me and she would be out of the loop. After the initial friendster introduction and a few emails back and forth, I felt like the boy might be witty and I should at least meet him in person. He was after all a Cali boy so that won him a few extra points. Now don't get me wrong, I am not closed minded toward boys that come from other states but I do find repeatedly that boys from California tend to be a little bit more open minded about independent women. They likely grew up with a liberal mother who taught them at a young age to appreciate women with drive and ambition and they are therefore more accepting of my tendency to be overly busy and wanting to conquer the world. Which leads me to thsafetyafty date.

After a week or so of playing phone tag with this boy I was about ready to throw in the hat but apparently he had been traveling and busy as well so I decided to give it one more chance. He called me on my work line on a Friday at work. I was somewhat caught off guard by this office phone call since I hadn't personally given him my office number but hadunwillingailing him from my office email so he got it off of there. I guess, indirectly I gave him my work number. I let that one slide. After asking me if this was an ok time to talk, which I gave him a few extra kudos points for he then launched into a full blown social conversation, given that I reside in cube land at work and I had about 8 curious ears peaking towards my conversation I was a little bit uncomfortable. I managed to keep things light and not too personal focused on the phone due to my lack of privacy, and then a fun game I like to play when I meet people that I don't really know and don't yet have a vested interest in is to be as wacky as possible. I do have a very wacky side and I like to test out in the beginning if they will withstand it or not. I think it is a quick and easy way to get to know someone, by testing their tolerance levels. When this young man asked me to meet, I asked him when, and he responded how about drinks tonight? I was taken aback, how could he dare to ask me out on a night time first date with no notice. I usually am not a stickler for "the rules" of dating but for some reason I felt that this was presumptuous that he asked me out on a Friday night like I might not have anything else to do. I told him that I was previously engaged (total lie). He said that he had friends in town sat night so I suggested Sunday and he responded with brunch? I told him that I would meet him for pancakes at 5 pm. Pancakes at 5 pm he asked? Why? I told him that's just how I do it. And I chose 5 because I think that is the latest you can get breakfast in New York. So it was set. He offered to call and confirm early in the day on Sunday but I said we should just do the old fashioned way and met on Sunday, no intermediary confirmation call.

Pancakes at 5

So I did receive an intermediary call, he was running 10 minutes late. I met him in front of 7a at 510 and we proceeded inside. We had to rush to order breakfast because they were closing the breakfast menu. I opted for chicken and mashed potatoes, after all of the hullabaloo; I wasn't in the mood for pancakes. He was a little disappointed that I didn't want breakfast and went for the breakfast burrito. First off he declared that he might walk out if they didn't serve him breakfast. I hate that. Then he was disappointed in the fact that I wasn't really in the circus and just used to do gymnastics on horses. We had a few drinks; the conversation was ok so we decided to extend the date to another location. We went to 7B and have a drink. During the second drink we were joking and telling stories, it seemed to be going well. I excused myself to use the ladies room and while I was in there I checked my messages. Nothing exciting, a few girls going out later that I could or could not join if I wanted to. I returned to the table and the conversation took a dive. I tried to start back up but he wasn't really that talkative. Then he told me that he didn't want to be rude but he had to check his messages. Weird, if you don't want to be rude then go to the bathroom and check them, or don't check them at all! He checked, according to him it was just his mom. He then asked me if I wanted another drink but I wasn't feeling it so we decided to leave. We then got to that awkward moment at my front door, he gave me a strained hug and then we just stared at each other. He said "well I had a nice time, we will be in touch" I said sure, though I was positive that was the last I would hear from him. Then he turned to walk off and said "take care!"

WHAT?? TAKE CARE?? Who says that? That is worse than saying thanks for calling when you call someone. I can't believe it. I was funny and engaging during the date. What was he thinking? He wasn't even that cute!

In the subsequent days, I sent him an email saying that I had a nice time, thanks for the date. It was the least I could do since we had a mutual friend and could end up at the same function sometime. Better to keep it friendly. I received an email saying that he was out of town and that he would be in touch when he got back but I never heard from him again. And im fine with that. See you are still at risk even if you are on a safety date.

ADDENDUM: So I just have to add that nearly a year later I ran into this dude on the subway. Apparently I moved into his neighborhood. So out of fear of looking like an idiot if I didn't say hi and he saw me, I did the polite thing and said hello. Well, it couldn't have been more awkward. For one LONG subway stop we were forced to have polite conversation where he even informed me that he worked up on 57th street. At the very next stop he got off to change trains at a stop where you couldn't change trains!! Who knew that I was such a bad date that a year later I could scare someone off a train.