The Anti-Christ

So here I am, on my way to the stuffy banquet in Louisville, KY and stuck in airport hell, LaGuardia on a foggy night, every flight is delayed and there are a million people hanging out at the bar, including myself, who is chowing down on the worlds worst chicken quesadilla ever, which, I am certain is not part of the crash diet plan. Now I don’t really know if my crash diet worked or not; I feel maybe a pound or two lighter, hopefully it will be enough to slither my way into this very snug black satin number that I am supposed to wear, but I do know that I am currently sitting next to the anti-Christ. I am quite sure that whoever you are thinking of right now is not who is actually sitting next to me. I am sitting, smack dab next to a perky, as if she’s had more than her fill of coffee today, Starbucks district manager. Yes, I think that Starbucks is, in fact, the anti-Christ. I mean, don’t get me wrong, who doesn’t love an orange coffee mocha frappuccino (yes people, but that was a Zoolander reference) but do they really have to be on every freaking corner? Blame my psudo hippie upbringing in NorCal but I love the beatnik coffee shop. I love the stragglers, the musicians, the poets that hang, I love the unruly punk kids that always seem to run the joint. Starbucks is now indicative with this “I’ve got it all together look so I must top that off with a coffee.” Look at how many celebrities always top their haute couture off with a paper cup from the coffee joint that’s taking over the world. Recently I heard that Paris Hilton will never be seen wearing black but she will pose with a Starbucks cup in her hand?

The worst part about this scenario is that I’m not even talking to this hyper perky woman, but I can more than hear her every word. She’s touting this new product and that new product. This amazes me on several levels. 1. That people through means of technology have become so accustomed to talking that they actually can’t ever be alone. Every person sitting at this bar is either engaged in idle conversation with fellow strangers or are talking on their cell phone and 2. It occurs to me that the first thing that people talk about is their work, like it is their being. Ever notice how the first thing someone asks you in the city is “what do you do?” That is the conversation that I avoid like the plague, I can’t do that corporate bullshit. Wow, I must be really self indulgent because I usually just want to talk about myself.